im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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