ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
