there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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