I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
