They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
