oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
