3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
