Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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