There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
