tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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