I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
