awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
