I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Randomize
