i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
