she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
