Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
