I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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