He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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