I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
