bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
