i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
