i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
