i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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