My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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