My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
