pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
