I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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