Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
