you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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