Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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