Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
