Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
