Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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