it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
