well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
