Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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