Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
