Buhtt sex?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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