yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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