i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
