New invention idea: vibrating tampons
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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