If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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