Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
