k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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