my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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