I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
