I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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