No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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