i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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