New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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