1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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