Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
