oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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