I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
