im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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