My girlfriend figured out who you are.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
